One of my birthday gifts was a nice tape measure from Pauline's folks. I should've known better, but I let the boys play with it, warning them every once in a while, "Hey boys, don't yank on it like that; you'll break it off. It's not a toy. Be careful, boys, it can pinch or cut when it snaps shut... etc." I let them play anyhow, because it was keeping them occupied while I was doing a little extra work and answering emails.
Well, sure enough, ten minutes later, the tape came apart from the base. After that, I admit, I acted like a sulky eight-year-old for at least the next hour and a half. I didn't yell, but I said some pretty mean sarcastic things.
Meanwhile, I took the case apart to see if I could fix it. For some reason I always struggle with things that include spring tension. This was no different; sure enough, I'd wind it the wrong way and the tape would feed out instead of pulling in, or the spring would snap into a position where I couldn't thread it onto the holding clip, and I finally threw some pieces down on the floor in frustration, and tossed the rest in the garbage.
It was time to put the boys to bed, and still I was short, cold and harsh. By then, I was simply taking out my own frustration on them. In spite of their apologies, and because they wanted to move on with their lives, they didn't seemed quite sorry enough for my taste.
I went back downstairs to read a bit for an upcoming small group study, and read this:
"Jesus' Father is nearby, holy, powerful, caring, forgiving, and our protector. These attributes provide strong images of who God is and what fatherhood means... We...have a way to measure what true parenthood ought to be. A good parent, be it father or mother, ought to possess these six characteristics.
"As a father, I try hard, but often fail, to reflect each of those six characteristics. I am near to my children, but sometimes I am distant, preferring to read the newspaper than play with them. And my work sometimes takes me far away... I also try to be good and pure, but I fail miserably at times, snapping at them for minor infractions and being petty and selfish. I try to be strong for my kids, but sometimes I am scared and confused, just as they are. I do a decent job of providing for them, but sometimes I provide too much and spoil them. I forgive them, but I catch myself bringing up their past mistakes. And I try to protect them, but I am woefully aware that I cannot protect them from all enemies that lurk about" (The Good and Beautiful God, by James Bryan Smith, ch. 3 "God Is Trustworthy").
oops. I put the book down. And suddenly it came to me. I was winding the tape measure's spring (the wrong way, even). The spring is meant to be at rest in its case; it self-tensions only as its pulled out to do its job. So, I picked up the pieces from the floor, dug the other pieces out from the garbage, released all the unnecessary tension from the spring, and after a few minutes, had it working good as new.
Nothing felt better than to go back upstairs, tape in hand, to show first the youngest, "Look, it works fine. And, Trevan, Daddy is sorry for being so cranky. You are a good boy. I love you. Good night." Unfortunately, the older son, Mac, was already asleep, and I could only kiss his forhead, feel a bit guilty for the little furrow on his brow, and wait until morning for his nonchalant, "That's okay, Dad. Can I have a shake for breakfast?"
Wow. I pray for better perspective and awareness. I was tight and springloaded, and it had very little to do with the tape measure. Why was I doing work in the first place (on my day off, no less) instead of playing with them? Why didn't I redirect them to a more appropriate toy? Why didn't I set the tape measure down long before working myself into a little tantrum? Why didn't I hear and accept their apology from the first? etc. Really, it was like there were three adolescents, not two, and I was playing the part of the grumpy older brother, not a Dad.
Adulthood... too often it is a lot like tall gradeschool! I pray that I can be more aware of my catch points and stop, unwind my spring, and remember that it is so much more important to model and teach my boys how not to lash out with hollering or sarcasm, but instead calm firm explanations, reasonable consequences, and lots of forgiveness.
And this applies outside parenthood to general life, I'm sure!
