If someone tries a new hairstyle (if I even notice) I might make a comment if I honestly think it's cute, striking, sharp, or some other positive adjective. If someone takes time with their make-up and dress, I'm not observant or stylish enough to say, "I like that mascara on you," or, "Mauve really brings out the sparkle in your eyes." On the other hand, I might say, "You look great today, healthy, happy."
On the other hand, if someone looks especially tired or disheveled, I might pull her or him aside to say, "Are you okay? You look a bit tired today."
What I don't do is say, "Wow, are you going for the Gothic look?" I don't say, even to a good friend, "You look better without all that make-up," or "I'm glad you finally had that wart removed!"
If someone grows facial hair, or cuts it off, I might say, "You've got something on your face," or, "Hey, that's new!" I might even complement the person if I happen to think it looks good.
I find it interesting, especially when uninvited, that men's facial hair seems completely open for what would otherwise be rude or inappropriate comments and reactions. "That looks horrible on you." "I don't like beards or mustaches." My brother grew a mustache for Movember and told me that one of his peers at work purposefully cringes and refuses to look at him while they talk, at least until he "cuts that thing off." I am sensitive to the fact that for some there can be real fear or discomfort associated with facial hair, possibly associated with past trauma or experiences. I also realize that beards and mustaches are "right there" and obvious, perhaps to the point of distraction. If new on some one's face, it's probably better to say something than to try to pretend, or to be constantly staring or avoiding.
I suppose that some assume that by growing or shaving something so obvious, the person is inviting commentary. Truth be told, the attention--especially if positive--might be appreciated by that person. And yet, I've been taught that--in polite company--I should not assume that the way a person dresses or looks is an invitation for any comment or reaction on my part.
Maybe there are some over-generalized social rules of conduct in this for men and women. Some people are quick and happy to comment on each others' choices in style, dress, skin art, etc. Familiar friends and family may be more free to put in their two cents (or dollars) when they think someone has made a horrible mistake with their hair, clothes, jewelry, tattoos, make-up, etc. It brings a nostalgic grin to my face when I remember Grandma Jessie's reaction each time I visited during and after college: "When are you going to shave that horrible thing off?"
Occasionally people do ask for others' opinions, even their online votes. It seems, then, that if permission is expressly given, honest opinions can be offered. I do appreciate knowing my wife's preference. I also appreciate that when I've shaved, she's kind enough not to constantly remind me, or wrinkle her nose and say, "Ew!" each time she turns my way.
What do you think? When a person lets his/her hair grow out (whether facial, head, or body) does that automatically give all friends and peers the right to publicly critique, or take votes, or loudly offer their negative opinions? Maybe it's okay; I find it interesting.
