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For several months, my family has known that July 1st, 2014 was coming. Along with a few of her friends, I helped to load and unload the boxes and furniture. Then, after a brief hug, I drove away, single. I am sad and lonely, ...and--after weeks of seeing those boxes filled, and carrying them into the garage--I'm also relieved, for both of us.
...I have no idea what to think about my own life from here. I personally know, now, that in marriage and relationships many things can go right, and it can still all go so very "wrong." On the other hand, "wrong" is not entirely accurate. I do deeply regret everything I did and didn't do. I am at a loss at what to do with all the expectations and dreams that have slipped away from us.
That said, I do not despise, I cherish the 21+ years we had as a married couple and family, and I have been slowly accepting the new relationship we hope to navigate as separate parents and friends. In spite of where we find ourselves now, the love and experiences we had were not false; our love was not a lie. Today, the marriage lies broken, but we stand up and press forward as a "bi-nuclear" family. We have two beautiful boisterous boys and a new kind of friendship to nurture.
Along with this, I have been trying to ignore a sinus-turned-bronchial infection, but finally went to a "Prompt-Care" facility. I checked in, and was already confronted with the inevitable question, "Marital status?" For the first time, it had to be said out-loud, both to the woman behind the desk, and also to the new stranger in my own skin. "Separated ...as of today."
I do not know what it means to be me and single. This is not who I expected to be, or wanted to be, when I grew up. Will I like "single-Greg"? Six months ago that sounded a lot like death. Yet, here I am: alive.
I am sad, but not devastated. I grieve, but still have hope. (Sounds like a familiar passage - 2 Corinthians 4:8.) I've always preached and believed in redemption. Now, it seems that I get to live through it.
