(John 16:25-33)
prepared for chapel service – Pacific Lutheran University,
11/28/12
I’m just discovering or constantly re-learning that there is
a kind of freedom and courage that come out of insufficiency. I realize that
seems to contradict all that you are striving to do as students and teachers in
a university, especially as you face “dead-week,” studying, papers, and tests.
And to some degree this has got to be true: more
knowledge, experience and skill allow you to say and do things, to understand
and affect things, than ever before. I can’t argue; if you study for your
psychology test, you will have more ability and confidence than someone who
does not, and you will likely do much better. If I go into surgery, I would
want a surgeon who has studied and trained and practiced in his or her field.
Any person—before you set out in any kind of test or venture—a person wants to
feel sufficient and prepared to face the challenges. We like or prefer to take
courage based on our abilities and high likelihood of success.
On the other hand, if real courage and freedom is about
acting in spite of our fears and stretching beyond limitations
and boundaries, then there comes the time that relying on our own sufficiency
and ability will limit and prevent what we are truly capable of doing.
I read a lot of fantasy novels. The characters I enjoy the
most are the ones that struggle constantly with their internal sense of
inability and lack of worth. Sometimes they discover some hidden ability, or they
receive some magic device just in the nick of time that helps them overcome the
obstacles, or defeat evil powers. Even better than that, I enjoy the characters
that act—not from miraculous ability or power—but from desperation and a desire
to do what’s right (even if it means failing or dying). Often, they reach out
to others, their companions, and they take action regardless of the
consequences.
They stretch beyond sufficiency. In fact, they find a
strange kind of freedom and reserve to act from their limitations. Success is
no longer the point. Justice is. Doing right is.
I recently read about a single mother who took so seriously
the task of raising her children, the responsibility of starting a new
generation weighed on her shoulders. Each day, it seemed overwhelming to her.
In her prayers she insisted to God, sometimes with tears, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this, not
alone… not without you!”
As a pastor, I can relate to how unsettled the disciples
must have felt in this gospel lesson (John 16:25-33). I am constantly bouncing
back and forth between understanding and feeling confident about my abilities
and ministry, and then being faced with my insufficiency, between what I think
I know and all I find that I don’t know.
At first, Jesus assures them that they can speak to and ask
God for whatever they need in his name because they have loved and believed in
Jesus. However, just as they respond, “Oh now we get it! Now we understand you
and believe that you are from God,” Jesus responds, “What? Now you say you
believe? In just a couple hours you are going to scatter and hide, each one of
you, in your homes. You are going to abandon me.”
And why does Jesus tell them this? He says, “I tell you
these things now so that you may find… peace! You will be afraid. You will face
persecution and tests for which you will not be sufficient. I tell you all this
so that you can stand. In the face of those fears and failures and
insufficiency, you can take courage,” Jesus says, “because I have already
conquered the world.”
It doesn’t depend on you. After all the studying, all the
practice, reading and cramming, when you have hit your limit, then stop. Admit
to God that you cannot do this alone. Use the people and resources he sends,
and then take the plunge into the next moment with a certain sense of
perspective and freedom. Your salvation, your Christian life, your dignity, and
your worth do not depend on this.
Salvation life, Christianity, is a way of life that can seem
or feel a bit reckless because it doesn’t depend on self-sufficiency and
successes. We act when it is the loving and right thing to do. We are free to
act and do amazing things together because it doesn’t depend on my ability or
even successful outcomes along the way. In fact, it is our very insufficiency
that often causes us to cross boundaries and ignore limitations, reaching out
to God and to others to take part in amazing things like feeding hundreds of
thousands, or bringing school, opportunities, and freedom to oppressed women,
and unbinding those who are dehumanized by unjust laws. Find cures. Bring hope
to the hopeless. We don’t do things like that alone.
The truth is, when we have spent too much time and energy
trying to be or wishing we were sufficient, capable, and worthy, those are the
times we end up feeling the most alone and isolated.
“Take courage.” Jesus says, “You are not alone.” He will not
leave you orphaned. Use that time of fear and failure to reach out to those who
can help. Let God speak plainly to you, without figures of speech. Put plainly,
alongside of him, he loves you, and you matter. His victory is already yours!
