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[This is adapted from a response I made to
a question from a friend who was dealing with his feelings of anger and
resentment, and wondered about my internal dialog, as a pastor, after the
shooting in Sandy Hook Elementary School of Newtown, CT. If it helps, I’ll put
it out for others...]
·
My friends, I understand and share your
anger, frustration and grief. I think we keep waiting for the right time to argue,
debate and work together to figure out the right ways to adequately prevent
this from happening again and again, especially in our country. Your anger,
even at God, and your grief make sense to me; after all, God is Lord of all,
all powerful, and loving. How can this keep happening? Where it says we are
made in God's image, I think that includes emotions, like anger... and grief
and sadness. I wouldn't be surprised if that is how God feels.
I'm not, actually, one who says that this
is a part of God’s "plan" or will. It appears to me that he has
placed very few limits on what people are able to do with our free will, at
least here in the short run. And evil seems to have this way of growing and
duplicating itself when we leave it unchecked or keep it hidden. I do believe
that God is able to redeem, react within, and bring new life out from these
situations. I believe God uses the strength of his will to respond with healing
and new life from the wreckage of violence, evil, or tragedies.
I believe he works through heroic actions
within it, or compassionate actions after it. Through us, God helps to stop the
breeding of that evil. But he doesn't cause this; he didn't desire or plan for
this shooting, or even allow it in some kind of distant cold way, just so that
he could swoop in.
· Not everyone sees it the way I do. God may have foreknowledge or could "know" all things,
meaning every detail of how things will play out, if or when he wants to. I don't really know how God experiences it as a timeless being. For me, though,
I believe that God’s "knowledge" or "plan" is mostly about
the unavoidable FINAL destiny, that all things will FINALLY be redeemed by his
grace. From moment to moment, though, God actually RISKS his love and
hope in us. The greater amazing miracle will be the way that he will have to
somehow weave our human history, including our violence, genocide, grief and
tragedies into an amazing new creation.
In the meantime, our free will is able to
entirely ignore God's desire and will, as this shooter ignored him. I believe
God would have much preferred for each of those 20 children and the adults to
have had full and healthy lives, with children and grandchildren. I don't think
anything said at this point can be fully satisfying if we want an adequate
answer to "why" or for what "greater purpose." I suspect,
tho', in fact I sincerely believe (most of the time) that our perspective in
the life to come, "when we've been there 10,000 years" will help us
at last.
Faith.
·
I know that these are the kinds of things,
tho', that shake people’s faith to its very core. I don't care how long someone
has studied their theology, it can easily lead any Christian or religious person
or professional like me away from their faith, especially when it happens to one
of us. And yet, it is this same faith that many turn to at times like this.
Christians trust a God who--through Jesus--physically and personally endured
and continues to endure this kind of violence. He isn't distant from it. He
understands and shares the grief and even the anger of the parents. In fact, he
still wears it, through his wounds, which are forever a part of his image.
The assurance can come in his promise that
things don't remain this way: "I will not leave you bereft. I will not
leave you orphaned." It may take many years for God to fulfill those
promises on the one hand, but he will. And on the other hand, his compassionate
presence is already there, long before the first responders. I believe God was
huddled in the closet with library aid Mary Ann Jacob and children as they waited it out. He was with Principal Dawn Hochsprung as she raced forward to confront and stop the shooter. He was with each one
who died. He is with families and children and adults who are left in shock and grief. He was even somewhere around Adam, the shooter, begging him to stop,
please stop, even as Adam refused to listen him.
·
Ultimately, through Jesus' resurrection, God promises that
this is not the end, and that he has eternity to work with and to redeem this.
Anyway, in your note, you asked for my internal dialog.
This is some of it, but mostly (as I picked up my own 7+-year old from school
yesterday, and took the family out to buy our Christmas tree, and sat cuddling
with them later as we enjoyed the blinking lights) mostly I find myself filling
up with tears, feeling especially grateful but more vulnerable, and thinking
all the while that it's not fair. It's just not fair. There must be a better
answer, the final results must be worth it, and for that I am relying on God. I
cling to my image of him as a God who is loving, grace-filled, always present
and able to redeem all things...in time.
He has, and he will again.
