Even people who--on the surface--seem confident and content can harbor a degree of disappointment and discontent: with themselves, with their lives, what they've done, or where they are right now. We may try our hardest not to compare ourselves to others, or to the caracatures of the ideal person we wish we could be, but it happens. We do compare or fantasize what it would be like if only we had that body or ability, charm, wealth, lack of baggage or fears... and then with those thick glasses we look in the mirror. To varying degree we feel let down by the person we see.
And there may even be an imagined god, an internal voice, who looks over our shoulder at the reflection with us and, scowling, whispers his accusing judgments into our ear. "Look how you fail me. You call yourself a Christian?" We don't measure up on any scale to the person or life we "ought to" be or have.
"...In reality, no one you see is what you think they are — you only see certain parts of the story, the good parts, and rarely see the person’s doubt and anguish and discontent. People don’t share their warts and hemorrhoids, just the great pictures of their food and vacation and children."
-Babauta, Leo (May, 2013). The Little Book of Contentment.
These comparisons may motivate us for brief moments to strive for what seems healthier living, exercise, organization, better habits, etc. Occasionally, we gain some victories and have those moments of "yes" only to place the bar a little higher, find some other flaw, or backslide into the old self. These comparisons, that demeaning internal voice, and any scale of how we "ought to" be, look or act are distructive lying demons.
Contentment isn't achieved. Contentment is accepting the reality, but not just the disappointing "reality" we see in that mirror (because that image is false; it has been warped and smeared by those lying demons). Contentment is accepting the greater reality of who God sees when he looks at each of us. Contentment is accepting and trusting the amazing forgiveness and ability to redeem and act and heal through us, to breath, love, laugh, help.
The Little Book of Contentment: "Contentment is about letting go of these fantasies, and realizing that life is amazing without them. People around us are amazing without the fantasies. We are amazing, without the fantasies. How do we let go of the fantasies? First by shining the light of awareness on them. Watch ourselves fantasize, realize that it’s happening, realize that we don’t need the fantasies. Be OK with letting them go. Watch reality closely, and recognize life’s awesomeness, as it is, without the fantasies. It’s there. We just need to learn to see it."
If we could only truly see with the eyes of God, like Jesus, who looks at us and sees beauty, someone he forgives--not only because he's merciful--but also because he loves us more than we love ourselves. When content, we can see with his eyes. It takes trust and practice to take off the thick smeared glasses of lies and false fantasies, and use his eyes to see ourselves, others, and creation.
Contentment, by the way, is not complacency. We can be content AND develop healthy habits, as well as learn, grow, help and even achieve. ...More on that later.
