This morning, after we dropped big brother Mac off at Kindergarten, 3-year-old Trevan and I went to his favorite coffee shop (for warm chocolate milk with whipped cream, sprinkles and a spoon). Then, we came home and he helped me wash the dishes, being so careful with the glasses. As he chattered beside me, it was delightful listening to his words and phrases, many of them in imitation of his parents. I went on to other chores while he happily played with his favorite semi-truck and cars.
After lunch, I drove into work, and was recalling the various songs about men wanting or wishing they could be the heroes that their children seem to see in them...
In both Patrick O'Brian's book, HMS Surprise, and the movie, Master and Commander; the Far Side of the World, Dr. Stephen Maturin performs surgery on himself to remove a bullet from between his ribs, along with a suppurating piece of cloth from his shirt that was carried into the wound by the bullet... effectively saving his own life.
Wow! That is a model of self-control and "manliness" at a level that is superhuman ...and way beyond me. And yet, that is apparently too often the bar I've wanted to reach. On the other hand, throughout several novels, Dr. Maturin eventually discovers and diagnoses his own addiction to laudanum (an alcoholic mixture with opium, considered a completely reasonable medicine of his time for many ailments). This same Doctor, who was able to draw a bullet from his own body while sick and feverish, finds this new suppurating disease beyond his own ability to self-cure, though he certainly tries! It is only after confiding in someone he trusts that he find some strength to manage it.
Jesus mentioned the old Proverb, "Physician, heal thyself" in Luke 4:23. He used it to talk about the difficulty he was having bringing real healing and--more important--real meaning to his hometown. A side point being: it is nearly impossible for a physician to provide effective or real healing to him/herself. A doctor (unless you are the Son of God or a superhero) needs a doctor. A teacher needs to be taught. A pastor needs a pastor. A counselor needs to be counseled. Why I tend to wait until it is too late or nearly too late is beyond me!
Who was Paul's pastor and confessor? Peter's? Joan of Arc's? (Oh, she had Martin Ladvenu...mixed blessing, that; and mostly bad.) I am grateful for my Bishop who checks in from time to time. And today, I am overwhelmed by my wife who provides me with amazing patience, wisdom and forgiveness.
In the end, I won't be the hero that my boys (and a few others) seem to see in me; I don't think that man exists. Only a Heavenly Father can fill that God-sized hole! I hope the boys will forgive me. It took me a decade and a half to get over my father's humanity. But I did, and now I cherish every hour I spend on the phone or in person with him.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A time to work and a time to play.
A little quote I read this evening: "Balance of work and play: The harder you work, the more important it is that you play." The author went on to say that when we allow this or other imbalances "forward progress will forever be met with resistance in the form of injury, fatigue, disappointment, or plain old difficulty."
On first read, it can sound like an excuse to take it easy or relax. But by play we're probably not talking about the couch potato stare into the TV or computer monitor. "Play" is about engaging in some kind of enjoyable fun, often with a friend, a child or spouse.
I notice that when I've been going long on work, my stress goes up and people-energy gets so low, and I feel myself becoming more serious. A heaviness settles about my head, shoulders and chest. I still feel driven, but scattered without clear focus. And when I get home, unless there's pressing chores or responsibilities, I'm so tempted to plop down for channel- or web-surfing. But, you know? When I really pay attention to the results, I don't often end up feeling the least bit refreshed. In fact, depending on what I've just watched, read or seen, I can be even worse or lower than when I started!
I came home from church today after leading services, followed by our annual meeting. Even as we were getting out of the car, Mac, our six-year-old, pipes up, "Dad, how about a game of Battleship?" Well, shucks, after being "on" all morning and through noon, I was looking forward to my Sunday afternoon nap in front of the TV. But I resisted, and I came away from that game more relaxed and happy. Eventually we did watch a little "Spongebob Squarepants" together and fell asleep, but it was a much more pleasant restful little nap, because a little balance had been restored, at least for me.
Thank God for the little and great prophets who confront, challenge or redirect us!
On first read, it can sound like an excuse to take it easy or relax. But by play we're probably not talking about the couch potato stare into the TV or computer monitor. "Play" is about engaging in some kind of enjoyable fun, often with a friend, a child or spouse.
I notice that when I've been going long on work, my stress goes up and people-energy gets so low, and I feel myself becoming more serious. A heaviness settles about my head, shoulders and chest. I still feel driven, but scattered without clear focus. And when I get home, unless there's pressing chores or responsibilities, I'm so tempted to plop down for channel- or web-surfing. But, you know? When I really pay attention to the results, I don't often end up feeling the least bit refreshed. In fact, depending on what I've just watched, read or seen, I can be even worse or lower than when I started!
I came home from church today after leading services, followed by our annual meeting. Even as we were getting out of the car, Mac, our six-year-old, pipes up, "Dad, how about a game of Battleship?" Well, shucks, after being "on" all morning and through noon, I was looking forward to my Sunday afternoon nap in front of the TV. But I resisted, and I came away from that game more relaxed and happy. Eventually we did watch a little "Spongebob Squarepants" together and fell asleep, but it was a much more pleasant restful little nap, because a little balance had been restored, at least for me.
Thank God for the little and great prophets who confront, challenge or redirect us!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
A re-Newed purpose: process
Well, sad how old habits can pounce back on me. And they have. I meant this blogsite to be more than just a place to post last Sunday's message manuscript. My original intent was to use it to be more reflective: chewing on God's Word and my faith, savoring and tasting them and the life he's given to me. That's more in line with the goal and title: O taste and see that the Lord is good!
Time to replace old bad habits by focusing more on good internal spiritual dialog. Habits tend to pass (waste) time with external stimulation. They work from the outside in. They cause us to conform to this world. Spiritual practices develop internal values, a dialog (with God) and a process (or pathway) that will work their way to the outside, but that is not the goal. The "goal" is the process, the journey, and the dialog.
I was reading from Paul to my Thursday Bible Study class (Rom. 7:15,18,&24), and it felt especially autobiographical: "I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do the things that I hate...though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not... Where I want to do nothing but good, evil is close at my side... Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ!"
And this Sunday, I am faced with Jesus' Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:1-12). Put me beside any of these blessed attitudes, and I fall short on every single one of them. Do I then fall outside of God's blessings, his kingdom and all hope? Well, yes, if it's about achievement, or adopting them as new external "good" habits.
What has helped me was first to remember that letting these break me down, brings me to honesty before God. If my relationship will be healed, it must begin there. I haven't measured up; I can't. That is the start of being more "poor in spirit," and his promise is to look up and be blessed; the kingdom's already here.
Second, rather than trying to become more merciful, more pure, more of a peace-bringer, I can do what Jesus did and start blessing others who have shown mercy to me or to others, bless those who are good listeners (the meek), or those who have and do stand up for the faith. As I begin to medidate on this, thanking God and blessing them, I will also be internalizing and allowing these values to grow and mature in me. Hopefully, as I do, they will eventually work out into action, but the goal is not the product, but the process, the conversation.
And, third, important to note, if I am taking time to reflect and internalize these deeper values, I am probably not wasting so much time on bad external habits!
Funny, what really set me to reflecting this evening was a book suggested to me about improving my jogging form and avoiding injuries. The premise in the book is that I don't need to merely stop bad habits, but to change my thoughts about the purpose of running, and the motion of running. The purpose is not goal achievement, but merely to run (the journey) and allow learning a new way of running to be the goal: discovering a new way. The motion of running does not begin by working the extremities, the legs and arms, but it begins from the center and aligning both the core values and the postition of the body to move from the inside out.
Well, as I did in running, I am seeking help in my faith walk. I will start seeing my spiritual director once again. And hopefully, returning this blog back into a more reflective journal will help keep me thinking, and more accountable. The painting and the running has also helped; they help me focus, think and reflect.
Pray for me, if you read this. Pray for me, Jesus.
Time to replace old bad habits by focusing more on good internal spiritual dialog. Habits tend to pass (waste) time with external stimulation. They work from the outside in. They cause us to conform to this world. Spiritual practices develop internal values, a dialog (with God) and a process (or pathway) that will work their way to the outside, but that is not the goal. The "goal" is the process, the journey, and the dialog.
I was reading from Paul to my Thursday Bible Study class (Rom. 7:15,18,&24), and it felt especially autobiographical: "I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do the things that I hate...though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not... Where I want to do nothing but good, evil is close at my side... Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ!"
And this Sunday, I am faced with Jesus' Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:1-12). Put me beside any of these blessed attitudes, and I fall short on every single one of them. Do I then fall outside of God's blessings, his kingdom and all hope? Well, yes, if it's about achievement, or adopting them as new external "good" habits.
What has helped me was first to remember that letting these break me down, brings me to honesty before God. If my relationship will be healed, it must begin there. I haven't measured up; I can't. That is the start of being more "poor in spirit," and his promise is to look up and be blessed; the kingdom's already here.
Second, rather than trying to become more merciful, more pure, more of a peace-bringer, I can do what Jesus did and start blessing others who have shown mercy to me or to others, bless those who are good listeners (the meek), or those who have and do stand up for the faith. As I begin to medidate on this, thanking God and blessing them, I will also be internalizing and allowing these values to grow and mature in me. Hopefully, as I do, they will eventually work out into action, but the goal is not the product, but the process, the conversation.
And, third, important to note, if I am taking time to reflect and internalize these deeper values, I am probably not wasting so much time on bad external habits!
Funny, what really set me to reflecting this evening was a book suggested to me about improving my jogging form and avoiding injuries. The premise in the book is that I don't need to merely stop bad habits, but to change my thoughts about the purpose of running, and the motion of running. The purpose is not goal achievement, but merely to run (the journey) and allow learning a new way of running to be the goal: discovering a new way. The motion of running does not begin by working the extremities, the legs and arms, but it begins from the center and aligning both the core values and the postition of the body to move from the inside out.
Well, as I did in running, I am seeking help in my faith walk. I will start seeing my spiritual director once again. And hopefully, returning this blog back into a more reflective journal will help keep me thinking, and more accountable. The painting and the running has also helped; they help me focus, think and reflect.
Pray for me, if you read this. Pray for me, Jesus.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A Star, a Star! (Sunday before Epiphany)
Sermon
prepared by Pastor Greg Kaurin
for Messiah Lutheran Church, Auburn WA, 1/2/11
texts: Isaiah 60:1-6 & Matthew 2:1-12
A Star, a Star!
In October of 1962, Noel Regney, a songwriter, was walking in a park of Manhattan a little before dusk with a slight breeze. He had two things weighing on his mind, the first was weighing on just about every adult in the Americas: the Cuban Missile Crisis was escalating, an immanent threat.
Noel had already lived through the Second World War. In fact, he grew up in France and was forced to enlist in the German Army. He worked as an informer for the French Resistance, but after he had to witness some of his own fellow soldiers ambushed in a trap he had helped set up, he deserted the German Army and became a full member of the French Resistance.
The second thing weighing on him is that Noel had been commissioned to compose a new Christmas carol, and was coming up on a hard deadline. But how could he write a carol, when it seemed very likely that we were on the verge of another perhaps even more devastating nuclear war?
As he passed people in the park, he could tell that they, too, were pensive and afraid, not meeting each other’s eyes, no exchange of greetings. He noticed two mothers pushing strollers, one of them passed the other from behind, and then—like slow motion—he saw the two children make eye contact, smiles spread, and they started to wave at each other. As they passed.
It was in that moment that the inspiration and the song came to him. By the time he got home, he had the lyrics ready, and later that evening he and his wife, Gloria, had composed the music.
For us, it’s a carol. We usually hear it sung by Bing Crosby or Perry Como:
Said the night wind to the little lamb, “Do you see what I see, way up in the sky, little lamb?”
What does the night wind see?
“A star, a star, dancing in the night, with a tail as big as a kite, a tail as big as a kite!”
Of course it’s roughly based on the manger scene from Bethlehem. Noel himself said that the lamb represented Jesus, the Christ Child. The wind points the star out to the lamb, the lamb tells the shepherd boy to listen to the deep voiced song, the shepherd boy goes the warm palace of a mighty king, and tells him about the shivering Child who needs honor, silver and gold. This king is not King Herod from our gospel lesson. He decrees, “Listen to what I say: Pray for peace, people everywhere!”
For us, it’s a pretty carol. For Noel and Gloria, who both passed away in the last decade, it was a prayer for peace, it was a plea to the powers that be, and the people, to listen to a new song, a deep song of creation, to follow a better star, to listen to the lamb of God.
Isaiah 60:1-3 – Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. 2. For darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will appear over you. 3. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
That’s a neat story. We may not seem to be on the verge of a nuclear disaster or war, and many of us even a bit numb to the constant barrage of possible danger from just about every corner: earthquakes, tsunamis, dams failing, volcanoes, terrorist attempts and precautions, …ancient Mayan calendars.
Or more individually, death or tragedy in the family. Lost innocence. Unforgiven past. Cancer. Struggles, doubts. It can get real hard to look our Savior in the eye, hard to look God in the eye. Almost like looking in the mirror and really seeing ourselves, as God must see us.
What star, what truth can we follow? Life is so crowded with grey clouds, where is this light shining in the darkness.
It isn’t the date, December 25, it’s not found on a train, or in a great big bag of gifts and toys. It is a song that has been sung throughout all of history. God’s deep voice, became a child’s voice, and smile, which spread from shepherds, and led foreigners to find hope, pay honor, spread to many people, even to kingdoms.
Peace on earth is something that we reach for and pray for… your kingdom come, on earth as in heaven, and may nations come to the light… And on earth we see glimmers, signs of the peace that passes all understanding.
But let me suggest while we’re waiting for God’s Kingdom to come in full, that this peace may come in bits like when we finally forgive ourselves or others, but doesn’t mean that there aren’t regrets or longing aches; it doesn’t mean that we don’t still struggle or see violence, or countries at war. Peace can be there in between tears of loss and even frustrated anger.
Look in the mirror, and if it’s a mirror to your soul, it can make you look like someone who would be hard to love. But God has placed his infant Son in your arms… Look at his love, and the smile stretching across his face, his hand reaches and touches your face. And the song high above the trees says to you, “Peace, be still.”
For now, the peace that can come over us, the healing peace is not an absence of regret or hurt or an absence of the losses we feel, but an acceptance of these, an acceptance of who we are, as God does.
But most of all the peace is seeing, following and trusting this Star of Truth: That God so loved the world that he did not condemn the world, but sent his only Son to save it.
That is why we can get up, and strive and feed others and remain kind and hopeful, even to ourselves. That is the message we can pass on, and lead others to see in us and through us as members of this church, as Christians and children of hope.
God will keep the promise that he has been saying since the day he formed each of us, and saved us through Jesus: I will be their God; they shall be my people.
What, then, shall come between us and the love of God in Christ Jesus? Nothing in all creation.
May the peace which passes all understanding keep your minds and hearts in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.
prepared by Pastor Greg Kaurin
for Messiah Lutheran Church, Auburn WA, 1/2/11
texts: Isaiah 60:1-6 & Matthew 2:1-12
A Star, a Star!
In October of 1962, Noel Regney, a songwriter, was walking in a park of Manhattan a little before dusk with a slight breeze. He had two things weighing on his mind, the first was weighing on just about every adult in the Americas: the Cuban Missile Crisis was escalating, an immanent threat.
Noel had already lived through the Second World War. In fact, he grew up in France and was forced to enlist in the German Army. He worked as an informer for the French Resistance, but after he had to witness some of his own fellow soldiers ambushed in a trap he had helped set up, he deserted the German Army and became a full member of the French Resistance.
The second thing weighing on him is that Noel had been commissioned to compose a new Christmas carol, and was coming up on a hard deadline. But how could he write a carol, when it seemed very likely that we were on the verge of another perhaps even more devastating nuclear war?
As he passed people in the park, he could tell that they, too, were pensive and afraid, not meeting each other’s eyes, no exchange of greetings. He noticed two mothers pushing strollers, one of them passed the other from behind, and then—like slow motion—he saw the two children make eye contact, smiles spread, and they started to wave at each other. As they passed.
It was in that moment that the inspiration and the song came to him. By the time he got home, he had the lyrics ready, and later that evening he and his wife, Gloria, had composed the music.
For us, it’s a carol. We usually hear it sung by Bing Crosby or Perry Como:
Said the night wind to the little lamb, “Do you see what I see, way up in the sky, little lamb?”
What does the night wind see?
“A star, a star, dancing in the night, with a tail as big as a kite, a tail as big as a kite!”
Of course it’s roughly based on the manger scene from Bethlehem. Noel himself said that the lamb represented Jesus, the Christ Child. The wind points the star out to the lamb, the lamb tells the shepherd boy to listen to the deep voiced song, the shepherd boy goes the warm palace of a mighty king, and tells him about the shivering Child who needs honor, silver and gold. This king is not King Herod from our gospel lesson. He decrees, “Listen to what I say: Pray for peace, people everywhere!”
For us, it’s a pretty carol. For Noel and Gloria, who both passed away in the last decade, it was a prayer for peace, it was a plea to the powers that be, and the people, to listen to a new song, a deep song of creation, to follow a better star, to listen to the lamb of God.
Isaiah 60:1-3 – Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. 2. For darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will appear over you. 3. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
That’s a neat story. We may not seem to be on the verge of a nuclear disaster or war, and many of us even a bit numb to the constant barrage of possible danger from just about every corner: earthquakes, tsunamis, dams failing, volcanoes, terrorist attempts and precautions, …ancient Mayan calendars.
Or more individually, death or tragedy in the family. Lost innocence. Unforgiven past. Cancer. Struggles, doubts. It can get real hard to look our Savior in the eye, hard to look God in the eye. Almost like looking in the mirror and really seeing ourselves, as God must see us.
What star, what truth can we follow? Life is so crowded with grey clouds, where is this light shining in the darkness.
It isn’t the date, December 25, it’s not found on a train, or in a great big bag of gifts and toys. It is a song that has been sung throughout all of history. God’s deep voice, became a child’s voice, and smile, which spread from shepherds, and led foreigners to find hope, pay honor, spread to many people, even to kingdoms.
Peace on earth is something that we reach for and pray for… your kingdom come, on earth as in heaven, and may nations come to the light… And on earth we see glimmers, signs of the peace that passes all understanding.
But let me suggest while we’re waiting for God’s Kingdom to come in full, that this peace may come in bits like when we finally forgive ourselves or others, but doesn’t mean that there aren’t regrets or longing aches; it doesn’t mean that we don’t still struggle or see violence, or countries at war. Peace can be there in between tears of loss and even frustrated anger.
Look in the mirror, and if it’s a mirror to your soul, it can make you look like someone who would be hard to love. But God has placed his infant Son in your arms… Look at his love, and the smile stretching across his face, his hand reaches and touches your face. And the song high above the trees says to you, “Peace, be still.”
For now, the peace that can come over us, the healing peace is not an absence of regret or hurt or an absence of the losses we feel, but an acceptance of these, an acceptance of who we are, as God does.
But most of all the peace is seeing, following and trusting this Star of Truth: That God so loved the world that he did not condemn the world, but sent his only Son to save it.
That is why we can get up, and strive and feed others and remain kind and hopeful, even to ourselves. That is the message we can pass on, and lead others to see in us and through us as members of this church, as Christians and children of hope.
God will keep the promise that he has been saying since the day he formed each of us, and saved us through Jesus: I will be their God; they shall be my people.
What, then, shall come between us and the love of God in Christ Jesus? Nothing in all creation.
May the peace which passes all understanding keep your minds and hearts in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.
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